WTF ???

Note: I am in a real nasty frame of mind... The ensuing contents will be pure rubbish...Read at your own discretion...

I am totally clueless...What do I want to do...It is at this time period when some major changes are happening...at least in lives of my friends...the girls are getting committed/married...the guys are switching jobs, pursuing higher studies, trying to find themselves a partner... Well these are minor peeves...

But the major cause of my current commotion is, what really do I want to do? Suddenly I find that of the few things I am capable of doing, nothing is making sense to me...Writing code, pursuing an MBA...nothing is making sense... As if these are not enuf, that damned fone call...forget it, I am not gonna speak about it...

Looking at the problems around me sets me thinking...take the case of Vidharba farmers...India is definitely good at intellectual power...If there are so many intelligent people around, with at least a scintilla of humanity, why do these suicides occur...Is it because I chose to remain smug in my own stupid cocoon that I created for myself...is that what every person is doing...there definitely should be something that can be done to address issues like this...when i see these things, i crave more to work for something worthwhile touching people's lives rather than right some crap code...

So is social service is what I want to do...No again...I want money too...But my work itself should be in such a way that it enables me to affect life.

No, I am not getting anywhere...I don't know what I want...I simply don't know...

Or rather, let me put it this way...why am I working...it is simply because of the same reason i did so many things in the past...why did I go to school, why did i go to college...simply bcoz that's wat the society did...soceity defined a timetable for life...and i followed it religiously...society respected education and money, and here i am...chose anna univ coz the topper is supposed to do that...chose comp soc as that's supposed to earn u a high pay job...chose MS coz that's supposed to be THE place for CS engineers...

It feels totally disgusting to see that I am doing nothing more than executing a timetable set by "I-dunno-who" or "rather no-one-knows-who"...

I've started questioning so many things that hav been taken for granted....why do u marry...why do u work...why do u do so many n other things...

i know that the more i question, i don't get anywhere...it all boils down to a simple answer: "I don't know"... At this point, all that I am going to do is to simply accept...NOT the society, but the simple fact that I don't know...I choose to rather remain confused rather than living in stupid conclusions...

Huh, feels better now...

I want...I want...I want them all

Two years into the industry...

I felt I was complaining always, but not knowing what I wanted...Just took sometime to come up with this list...

The kind of ideal work I'll do should

1. Be enjoyable or to be more specific, it should be intellectually satisfying...
Like solving an interesting pbm...less of coding from my side but more of intellectual input from my side...to put it in a nut shell, I love solving a problem but not implementing it.
2. Pay me good (should be around the industry high standards)
3. Not pressurize me (I hate tight timelines).It should give me sufficient time to work
4. Gives me a proper work life balance. I am not ready to work more than 10 hrs a day
5. Make some sense to me...
For eg I would be happier solving a mathematical problem rather than testing the "about me" menu in some super famous software, say MS Word.
6. Have flexi timings...I'll come and go whenever I want to...But I'll ge tthe work done.
7. Provide oppurtunities to work in more than one country...Yes, I want to explore the world and my purse is weak...

Are those greedy...I care not...

Oru chinna doubt...

I was listening to this song "Yaaridamum thondravillai idhupol" from "Thotti Jaya". Of late Harris Jayaraj has been experimenting by using more than 2 voices for the same person in the same song. "Uyire en uyire" from the same movie is an excellent example where Anuradha sriram and bombay Jayashree give their voice to the heroine.

So, coming to the song in question, at approximately 3:46 from the beginning, (the second charanam), I had the doubt. Harini is the one who has been credited for the song. But carefully listen to the song at 3.46 when the word "Munnooraandu ondrai" comes. I am almost sure that "Munnoorandu" is that of Bombay Jayashree's voice. The word "Ondrai" is started by Bombay Jayashree but closes with Harini's voice (excellent belnding by HJ).

Probably HJ had it recorded in different tracks and may be the story was like this.
He first had BJ sing the song and then mixed her track and Ramesh vinayagam's track. Then probably felt it wud be better with Harini's voice...Had Harini sing in a separate track...Superimposed it in the already merged track and probably made a merging error...

Anyways I found this amusing enough. Can you people also listen to it and update me with your analysis...

Drenched...TOTALLY

Amidst the tight schedules I am having at office, I am forced to write this post. Though I liked Ilayaraja's Thiruvasagam very much, I didn't happen to hear all the songs. Today, for the first time, I heard "Muthunarchaamam" song (hope I got the word correctly). One word to summarize the experience: Peerless!!!

The composition was so awesome that I was simply pulled into it. I was just living the moment...and that's no common occurrence! Blessed is Ilayaraja to produce such soul stirring stuff and blessed are we to be able to hear what the Maestro has to offer.

I am not trying to say this is the best song of the album, but just that it struck me real hard. The other songs are equally peerless as well. One small hitch I have is my inability to understand the words which would have taken the experience to an altogether different plane:((

Nevertheless, the web comes in handy. One such translation for Thiruvasagam I found is
http://www.tamilnation.org/sathyam/east/thiruvasagam/tvasagam01.htm


Thiruchitrambalam.

p.s: Chummaava sonnanga "Thiruvaasagathukku urugaadhar oru vaasagathukkum urugaar"nu...

Onions...

Tag: State of mind as on 4.40 pm, 16th May, 2006

The peeling has begun...
The pungent stench is evident...
The tear glands are in intense action...
The pain.

As layer by layer goes off...
As The Hand meticulously works...
The pain...
Oh where is it?

The pain is history.
The layers shall peel by peacefully.
The Hand knows what to do.
I shall simply watch.

Bifurcating my posts...

Haven't been blogging for quite a while...Mainly bcoz things I wanted to write about were those that weren't meant for public consumption...

So I have decided to categorize my posts..Here afterwards, posts that have a tag attached that connotes something totally abstruse means that I have written that for my personal consumption, which, in turn means, I may not respond to queries on that post... These kind of posts are written just to take a snap shot of what I think, believe, etc so that I can turn back to it whenever I want to...