Hello Oct 2012!

What to put as a title :-) Ended up with this month.

When I started this blog, it was more of a chronicling, possibly for visits down in the future, which I never did for the most part. Last week I happened to chance upon a few of my own posts and it brought with it a queer sense of reliving the incidents, both of which were hilarious ones. I felt a rich experience of it and am quite enthused by the whole affair.

So, right now, am in Delhi for the last 2 weeks... will be here for another 3 months... working towards a big program in Jan. What's happened in the last few months... it's a flurry of so many things, not in any particular order. For the teachers' meet, we went to Mysore; the sathsang at Chamundi was quite memorable for the proximity of my seat was something for the first time; KumarParvat trek was a stamina-tester, but the experience atop, where Subrahmanya was enlightened, was totally mind-blowing!!! The grand Chennai ITC program, a few classes here and there from Mumbai to Kolkatta... the varieties of cuisine, especially the Punjabi - North Indian mix of food in Delhi... so many things...

And yes, am having the right inspiration to write apart from the conducive environment.. yes, a new A.R.Rahman release "Jab tak hai jaan"..

Not going to write a detailed review... Initially I felt it to be more of a YRF album than ARR. But as is the case with many ARR albums, takes a little time to sink in. And now it's quite enjoyable. Will it be an evergreen album for me? I don't think so, but I will savor it every now and then. Harshdeep Kaur, you are scintillating; her son Heer would be on my all time favorite list. Just remembered, there could be an ARR live show in Chennai in Dec it seems; I wish I can make for it. This shall be my new year wish :)

Something that pulled my heart strings in the recent times... the way the kids are growing up, especially in the metros... it's so sad. Parents do not get much time and most of the free time, if there is any that's left after the flurry of classes they go to apart from the regular school, is spent with all kinds of gadgets not to exclude the good-old-enemy TV! And the obesity I find is so shocking: all wrong kind of food is stuffed in, thanks to the pseudo facts proclaimed by these fun-foods! And the lack of life in adults, in the true sense... metro life is so mechanical, and the entire life is a struggle, an endeavour to take care of the survival process; whether at the end of it, they get to survive, I do not know, but I see them dying everyday in their pursuit to survive... very sad...

And I realized last week, that I never posted a pic of Shakthi, my dear wife, even once in this space! It's more than 1.5 years now: Have been through so many things with her: so many fights, so many intimate moments, what not! But she's been such a sweet heart and her support has been quite phenomenal in many ways. I wish I take pics more often... Not many pictures of us... Here's one from our marriage...

Happy Dussehra!!!

May the feminine within blossom more... jai bhairavi devi!

Well...

This blog is becoming dormant by the day... it actually has already become isn't it? Well, I write here more so for chronicling my state of mind than for the sake of anyone else...

When I look back, I think I was using this space as a vent out, as a companion with whom I can share whatever I wanted to, many a times in coded language that only I can comprehend... Probably now there is a person with whom this is happening. Not only that, the computer used to be a constant companion and "time" was available aplenty. These 2 things aren't there anymore... probably, that's why...

Anyways, once Shakthi gets a laptop of her own, probably my love affair will begin again :-)

I've been noticing certain trends in the thought patterns and life in general which is a little amusing as almost every average guy seems to have landed up with almost similar equation...

Towards the end of college, focus on getting a job -> Slog a few years, pursue promotions/relocation -> (Not satisfying enough and boredom) -> switch companies (may involve reloaction)-> make money, name, baby(ies) -> If baby, then start of another 25 year project -> ...

There is more to the rest of the equation, but I will stop here as this is where many people of my age are. If I simply look at it logically, "dryly", it is cloying to think if this is ALL life has to offer!!!
Well, unless there is a taste of something more profound, it is unfortunate this is how the equation will be - an endless pursuit of happiness, but still, at the end, left parched and wanting for more!

Hmmm... Interestingly, I had quoted a similar equation 8 years ago when I was fresh out of college in this post http://ramsrules.blogspot.in/2004/12/life-is-beautiful.html

My God! I can't believe I romanticized the mundanity this much! :-D

random ramblings on a random day

This Diwali, I could spend it with my parents... Was happy to be with them.

After the blizzard that was, just before Diwali, the teachers' meet, this way of life that I was used to for years before just the last one, seems so different. I used to be a TV freak, especially when it comes to festive occasions. I would rather watch TV than meet up with people outside then. Now it is slightly different. I would rather not watch TV nor meet up with outside people :-D

A few critical turns around in life,

The trust in Grace to see through,

Life unfolds...

The wicked one

One hand to feel,

One hand to hold the stick,

To feel through the world,

This man, blind of vision...

Wading through the world,

With mighty instruments two,

Thought, I did.

Until I realized,

The wicked smile of yours.

The apparent guiding lines

Nothing but binding ropes

Such an evil scheme!

Or is it the true masterpiece?

To abandon the stick,

To abandon the hand,

To simply walk,

With true vision...

For what use are they,

To see within...

Am dazed. Truly dazed. The logic which was the guiding force now is muddled.

Now I see "I don't understand. I don't know. I don't know what to do". From here where next?

When Grace descends the questions vanish. The questioner vanishes. But only for that period. After that the drama continues...

Bees-2

I wrote this 2 and a half years back...

And the prophecy is coming to fruition... I don't know what made me write it then, but now I am having goosebumps...

Transformation

From an egg to a caterpillar to a pupa to a butterfly... It is a fantastic process, quite unbelievable in many ways, to see that such a beautiful butterfly appears out of a little dull egg. Such is the magic of creation, but if you didn't read it in Science books, and if you saw an egg and a butterfly, will you know that one came out of the other. No... That is the way I feel at times. When I see human beings who have transformed themselves in such a tremendous way, I doubt if such a thing is possible for us, but they were also once like us. After crawling through life like the caterpillar, right now life is like the pupa. A little more evolved than the caterpillar, but still a dull pupa... Happy, warm, comfortable and cuddled up inside the little cocoon... Not knowing the life of a soaring butterfly, stuck and unmoving... If the transformation has to happen, the cocoon must be broken. What appears like life threatening, that is, breaking of the cocoon that has been the very protection so far, is actually liberating. For a logical mind, a security seeking mind, it may seem absurd that the very house is being broken, but that's the only way the butterfly can come out. It may be a painful process to break open the pupa, but the end result is far more worthy than the shell. Other pupae will never know the experience the butterfly has... They may belittle, argue and call out the foolishness in breaking open the cocoon. But once the desire to transform has set in, one has to make the effort to break open the cocoon... Once the cocoon starts breaking, someday Nature may take over and one may end up soaring as a vibrant butterfly...

Seeking...

In a way, this outlines seeking. The interpretation may depend on one's mindset, life situations, aspirations, etc, but it is a wonderful outlining.

http://www.osorhan.com/bigo/index.php

Random things...

There are a few days, when I wake up, I have this feeling in my "Anahata"... It's a certain feeling that brings about a certain depressing emotion for the entire day... When someone is sad, I believe it is this activity in the Anahata that makes people exclaim "heavy in heart"... While I am able to see clearly that this is what is happening and when I'm aware, I'm able to go beyond that uneasiness, but during the moments of unawareness (which is in plenty), it easily sucks me up... Reminded of how Sadhguru says that everything within oneself is just a chemistry (joy, misery, etc)... today is one such day...

The last 2 days were a blast. Sai Suresh and Gokulnath had come from SFO for the Tulip Festival... The weather was just fine and it was lots of fun... tulip fields, flowers, pictures, "Taboo" games, the drives, the frisbee, the double rainbow, california pizza kitchen, cheesecakes...

An idiot of my relative has landed himself in to some serious trouble. The lack of even a bit of remorse for what he has done is such a disgrace. He and his family are one such kind of people who eat, breathe and sleep money... While I can't but pity his plight, his insolence and lack of humanity and the position they are planning to take in the coming days only speaks volumes of their inner state. I can only see more trouble coming their way. If they can't learn out of such a big incident in their lives, may be they need more life-times for any transformation to happen. BTW, this incident, it is a real drama, just like in the movies... And this incident, happening at this point in time, may not be so ideal a situation I would have wanted, but things have happened... Let's see...

Fear: I thought I didn't have any... But I can see as they surface... There was this medical test for which they had to take some blood samples. And I saw this fear surface up. Once I became aware, it dissolves in a moment... It was funny and at the same time, I could see how what they say in the IE class was practically true. There's one other fear now...

The sea is calm, beautiful and serene...
The pearls are below, radiant and inviting...
The moment is opportune, unfettered the diver,
Ohh, how to ruffle the placid waters...

Life

மயிரே போச்சுன்னு இருக்கணும் ...
:-D

Hahahaa....

So manyyyyy things happening around... that it is literally sweeping me off my feet... Yes, Sadhguru's visit happened in a splendid way... For those who couldn't join us, here's the web stream: http://www.ishafoundation.org/IshaLive/Streaming.php (catch this soon as the link may get invalidated soon)

So how does it feel to be part of the event, asked Prasanna... Nothing, it simply felt nothing. I didn't want His time to get wasted here (due to our carelessness or uselessness). To me, it appears that this visit was worth it and hence am relieved in a way...

What else... something is cooking now...

What more... I did something so uncharacteristic of me... But the whole incident was handled in a very mature way... So depressed... And again I did something and that lifted me up... I could so easily see the way the emotions sway and how it pulls one off track quite so easily... With the ground breakng changes impending, I guess so many things will open up, throw all stones, strip me naked, until the unwinding happens completely... Am grateful to the people involved and I should make use of this as another incident to look within...

And now, focus... Whoooooooooosh!

Wearing out...

Pitchai paathiram nails the current state...

Raja sir's mastery with the words is equally scintillating...

இம்மையை நான் அறியாததால் சிறு பொம்மையின் நிலையினில் உண்மையை உணர்ந்திட...

அத்தனை செல்வமும் உன்னிடத்தில்
நான் பிச்சைக்கு செல்வது எவ்விடத்தில்?
வெறும் பாத்திரம் உள்ளது என்னிடத்தில்
அதன் சூத்திரமோ அது உன்னிடத்தில்......

ஒரு முறையா... இரு முறையா...
பல முறை பல பிறப்பெடுக்க வைத்தாய்...
புது வினையா பழ வினையா...
கணம் கணம் தினம் என்னை துடிக்க வைத்தாய்...

பொருளுக்கு அலைந்திடும் பொருளற்ற வாழ்க்கையும் துரத்துதே...
உன் அருள் அருள் அருள் என்று அலைகின்ற மனம் இன்று பிதற்றுதே...
அருள் விழியால் நோக்குவாய்... மலர் பதத்தால் தாங்குவாய்...
உன் திருக்கரம் எனை அரவணைத்துனதருள் பெற...

:-)

I think I'm coming up with totally non-descriptive titles by the day...

Well, as my friend wished me a happy valentine's day, it dawned on me that this day is here... one day to celebrate the one-happy-emotion-that-most-people-seem-to-cherish... the secret mantra that seems to open doors... Not that I am against love, but it's the general connotation with which the word is being used (thanks to the utter crap in the name of movies) that it scares me to even use that word...

Well, let's see... what all this means to me now... To fall in love is so easy within me now... I am able to see I can throw myself completely when being with anyone and also remove myself when needed... Just as the new song is playing, I got reminded of this person, who was a co-traveller in one of my journeys to the place-beyond-the-world... I could totally give myself when being there... Now I am thousands of miles apart... There's no necessity for words or actions to re-create the inner state that was... No entanglement but total involvement... In fact I am able to be in this state with so many people, with no effort... It's effortless and blissful :-)

Just as words can't express emotions, so can't they express the gratitude... I bow down to Thee...

Hmm

Almost the first month of the new year is going to wind up. It's been quite tight since the new year began. Lots of work. And yes, lots of good news from the music world too (the Golden Globe and the Oscar nominations and of course Delhi-6 and Connections).

The coming months shall be even more hectic. Not just with office deadlines closing up, but with the preparations for Sadhguru's first ever visit to Seattle. Yes, in case you did not know, Sadhguru is going to be coming to Seattle on March 24 and is going to be giving a free public talk and it goes unstated that you MUST attend it, if you are going to be anywhere in this area, and that might be the best decision you ever made in your life. It is, for me!

More about the event, later!

2008 - personally

Missed opportunity - the longing and pain - The sleepless night - the rapture - the presence - In the presence of the master - linga bhairavi - the explosions - the tears - the nature re-creation - the hanging from the rope knotted at chest - the slow salutations - gratitude - BSP - new friends -
Kailash Manasarover yatra - the fall there - the finger touch - the thumb touch - the dip - the vision - the questions - the initiation - the stories - the mystery - Continuing madness - continuing longing - dropping desires - Two classes - more volunteering - Sunday special rapturous communion - Mahima consecration - the Bija mala - the slap - the question - the impending answer - the planning - The fake reason fruition - Fun trips - yellow stone - natural geysers - nature in colors - wild life - camping - india trip - confrontation at home - the emotions - filial obligations - the nieces - betterment of lives - vegas - the games - the circus - the grand madness - the canyons - the magnificent beauty - los angeles - the beaches - the zoo - the sea world - the coaster rides - one less fear in heights - musically rich - physically same - mentally less blocking - spiritually ???

100 posts in 1 year... my boss should be happy :-D

Yes, I am blessed. Ending this year with lots of gratitude and wishing for a definitive clarity and fruition of THE opportunity.

Recent happenings

As the title says...

• Saw bommalattam. Not a bad movie. One of the better movies to come out in the Tamil film industry. Bharathiraja must change his editor. A fascinating climax!
• Listening to aahaa FM via aahaafm.com. Gives a feeling of being in Chennai :-)
• Have been having a lot of physical ailments one after another (back sprain, stomach pull, teeth and gum problems, continuing stomach ailments) and just going along.
• Went on a single day of silence
• Watched a few crappy movies that were supposedly good (Poi solla porom was one of them... I can't even seem to recollect the names of the others)
• Was snowed in and house arrested for more than a week due to heavy snow.
• Went on a trip to San Diego and Los Angeles.
• Had an adventure filled trip including a business class flight travel as the operating airline had to give an alternate flight due to flight delays and snow.
• Seem to have gotten better off my acrophobia and took all of the rides that we could manage in the time we had, along with the other guys (Anto, Arun, Gokul, Raghu, Satish and Sai) at six flags
• The whole world's in vacation right now for the holiday season.
• Belated Christmas wishes
• Advance New year wishes...
  

Tiring madness

Aimless and purposeless,
In one kind of madness...
Aimless and Purposeless,
In another kind of madness...
A world of difference, between the two
Tiring out slowly, in between the two...

Settler vs Pearl Diver

The lake is calm and serene...
Should I muddle the waters?
All fish peacefully asleep...
Should I disturb them?
The body is warm and cozy...
Should I allow the cold to bite?
No, for the settler...
Yes, for the pearl diver.

Let thy presence be all that I desire.

Isai...

One of the everyday activities for me is to indulge in music... be it singing along, or just listening, or both or working alongside music... but music is an essential part of my everyday life... My interest in music grew primarily from Film music... Tamil film music to be particular... since advent of A.R.Rahman in Roja, to be even more particular... Ever since my interest in music has only grown and that little master never ceases to amaze me and continues to captivate me... It was after A.R.Rahman that I started to listen to the older compositions of Ilayaraja, another master with his own niche... The interest in Irish music and western classical violin stemmed out of exposure to these genres in the recent past, thanks to youtube...

Music isn't just entertainment... It takes me to various states depending on what I am listening to... Music does definitely have an impact on your inner nature, in my experience...

As is eating and sleeping, so is music, to me... This post stands in thankfulness to the above people for being a part of my life, everyday...

:)

The get together went along very very well... All 14 turned up and we had a great time and of course great food. The menu that Naresh and I decided was thus:

Starter: Vegetable bread bonda (Gomathi/Vimal)
Panneer curry (Pallavi/Vijay)
Chapathi (Us)
Veg biryani (Gomathi/Vimal)
Bisibelabath (Us)
Kovakkai fry (Harini)
Curd rice (Us)
Gulab Jamun (Vidya)
Payasam (Harini)
Chocolate torte (Yamini)
Ice cream + Fruit custard (Sindhu/Ramanathan)
Miscellaneous snacks from shops

General chat followed by lunch followed by the gaja-buja game, some sam anderson and TR stunts made the entire day a laughter filled one...



Back row: Harini, Pallavi, Yamini, Gomathi, Vidya, Sindhu, Vimal and Naresh
Front row: Arun, Vijay, Ramanathan, myself, Raghu and Anto

Happy diwali!!!

Diwali here...

This is what has been planned... Let's see how things go... A potluck get-together among my college mates (Anna univ 2k4 passouts)

:-D

அன்புள்ள பெரியோர்களே தாய்மார்களே...

வரும் தீபாவளித்திருநாளை முன்னிட்டு சியாட்டில் வருத்தப்படாத வாலிபர் சங்கம் தங்கள் இல்லத்திற்கு வரும் ஞாயிறு (26 ஆம் தேதி) மதியம் ஒரு மணிக்கு உங்களை வருக வருக என வரவேற்கிறது... இந்த முறை நாம் அனைவரும் "அதிர்ஷ்டப்பானை" (அதானப்பா பாட் லக்) முறையில் தீபாவளியை கொண்டாட உத்தேசித்துள்ளோம்... ஆகையால் தாங்களும் தங்கள் துணைவி/துணைவரும் எங்கள் வீட்டிற்கு வந்து சிறப்பிக்குமாறு கேட்டுக்கொள்கிறோம்.

சமீபத்தில் எங்கள் வருத்தப்படாத வாலிபர் சங்கத்தில் இருந்து முதியோர் சங்கத்தை சேர்ந்த திருமணமான மக்கள் தங்கள் திருமணப்புகைப்படங்களை எடுத்து வருமாறு கேட்டுக்கொள்ளப்படுகிறார்கள் மிரட்டப்படுகிறார்கள்.

அனைவரும் இந்திய பாரம்பரிய உடையில் வருவது அந்நாளை இன்னும் சிறப்பாக்கும் என்று எங்கள் சங்கம் நம்புகிறது...

கொசுறு: நாம் கொண்டாட இருக்கும் தினத்தில் தங்கத்தலைவி அசின் பிறந்தநாளும் இருப்பதால், சியாட்டில் அசின் ரசிகர் மன்றத்தின் தலைவர் மற்றும் ஒரே உரிப்பினருமான நரேஷ் நமக்கு சிறப்பு நிகழ்ச்சிகளை வழங்குவார். எங்கள் சங்கத்தின் மேற்கூறிய கோட்பாடுகளை மதிக்காதவர்களை அசின் மற்றும் தெலுங்கு சூப்பர் ஸ்டார் பாலய்யா நடித்த பயங்கர மொக்கையான ஒரு அட்டுப்படத்தை கட்டாயப்படுத்தி பார்க்க வைப்போம்.

தங்கள் வரவை எதிர்பார்க்கும்,
சியாட்டில் வருத்தப்படாத வாலிபர் சங்கம்.