Many a times, I have discussed about this word 'integrity in behavior' with my friend/house mate Anto. I am going to write about this "integrity" in the context of the people I meet everyday. Though there are multitude dimensions in which integrity can be discussed, there is just one context, quite a recurrecnt one, about which I'll write here: "Integrity in behavior towards people".
Quite often, I find people exhibiting different behavior in different places.During a casual chat, their behavior is normal but when it comes to a bigger social gathering, their outlook is totally different from what I see everyday. Please don't confuse this lack of integrity with sophistication.
Another remarkable example is the behavior among members of the same-sex and with that of the opposite-sex members. Though I don't know if this applies to girls as well, I know for sure that this is the case with a considerable number of guys I have seen. Some guys turn a 'macho-man' in front of girls..Some try to play a 'hep'...Some portray a 'cho chweet guy' while their true persona(which I see everyday) stinks.
FEMINISTS SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH...And the funniest part in this is that most girls fall for these guys only. As my friend once said "Invariably, all girls make the wrong choice". Though I am not able to interrogate the verity of this statement, this seems to be true in at least most of the cases I know.
I am not trying to conclude anything out of this rambling. It is just that I don't understand why people want to maintain different behavior to different people. Why can't they be the same always.....
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3 years ago
11 comments:
I agree that ppl don't maintain integrity in behavior. Even I am not the same to everybody in all places. It becomes a necessity at times. U can't b very open to strangers.
And reg. girls choosing wrong guys- from olden times, girls r known for their tenderness & beauty, while guys r known for their strength. Girls r referred as "the fairer sex". Just as guys fall for beauty dolls, girls fall for macho guys. And moreover, girls can b easily fooled by kind words,as generally they have soft hearts and r in need of a shoulder to cry upon(Girls weep a lot compared to guys).They "think" macho guys will b able to protect them or take care of them. So they r in the lookout in such guys & hence guys r putting up that kind of face.
But all these don't apply to all girls anymore.May b few r still like that.
Integrity... the word is. While I wish to concur with what you got to say... just one thing: this probably is only rarely true... but true it is. Sometimes a person has to wear a disguise in front of the world, world here referring to the people he is around. For the better part of the life I have lived, I have had to do this: being different around different people. While "different people" doesn't necessarily refer to the clans of males and females here, it sometimes does. The subtlety that I am trying to bring out is the difference between "difference" and "integrity". Now only if you knew who I were, I don't know how many fingers would raise, and how many hushed talks spring up... yet know me, you do. Three Dots.
Rams dear, amidst laughs, I am getting reminded about you and your nephew!
You are a guy who wants to be the same everywhere and if there are some souls in this world, who like you, then it is bcoz of that - what you are - "I'll be the same everywhere" attitude.
Similarly others are liked for what they are.
The problem comes when a girl/whoEver you like/intereseted/careFor, likes some other macho fellow. But remember that the other guy is being liked for whatever he is - macho in the presence of gals, humble in the presence of elders, kind and caring for children - may be the gals like him for his ability to change faces. It is not always true that the gals dont know about his other faces. These days they are *sometimes* equally smart.
I beleive, integrity in "core thinking patterns" is what should matter in classifying people and lack of integrity in external behaviour should not *always* be pronunced with a negative connotation.
No one is perfect...People may need to maintain a different face at different places: point taken. But how frequently and on what situations varies from one person to another. This is what differentiates people and this is all I have got to say---"I like people for whom this frequency is low. Also there are certain situations in which the 2nd behavior becomes inevitable and since it is I who decide my relationships, I choose people whose 'inevitable situations' fall in the same domain as mine."
Winning over a relationship by the 2nd face can't last long as the true face will ultimately reveal itself.
Besides, I am not trying to classify behavior as "this is bad behavior"..."this is virtue",etc. It is just binary- "I like" or "I don't".
p.s: I wanted to write about the general behavior among people, somehow the disclaimer note seems to have attracted much attention to the behavior wrt girls. Whatever..."All the world's a stage and all men and women mere actors and actresses..." So let's all continue our deceiving!
With Regard to Parthi's comment:
It may b true that girls like the changing faces. And it is mostly true that gals know abt it, if in case such a liking exists(which I think exists). These days they gals r not *sometimes* equally smart, they r more smart *than* guys.
You don't have to be a feminist to take offense as a woman to that...particular comment...men and women are different; true. but whoever said women always make the wrong choices is ignorant and though many stereotypes fit for reasons, that particular comment is that boy creating his own little stereotype in his own myopic, cofused view of humanity and women. anyway, it is too bad people cannot just be themselves in every given situation; but we're human...therefore DEconditioning these things could be good...but not likely...it's how the world works, it's societal norm. I am a different person at work as apposed to socially because I have to socially filter my own thoughts at work so I don't "get in trouble" or say the wrong thing...http://www.sound9.blogspot.com
Machan,
I would like to suggest the only case where I feel (and pratise)the difference in behaviour which is justified. When you are with people whom you hold close to your heart you are something else and with those who are still outside the circle you are little more circumspect. This is because of the fact that it takes time to build relationships and assuming a degree of closeness which does not exist leads to disasters. For the reason that there are many more members of the same sex whom you feel close with than that of the opposite sex, this difference becomes glaring there. But I dont think the two are related at all.
blame this on the link i found in fathimas blog!
Dare i comment? Here goes nothing..
The difference exists...It is frustrating to see such things at times.
I assme that, in the "situations" that u refer to, u know both people.right?
I have thought a lot on this and this is what i could come up with: U can be a live example and beat the odds...Show them u are the same in all "situations".
May be u are already doing it, and only trying to solve this issue if possible.
Back to the point..
If the other people involved are not going to endup "hurting" each other... then why feel a frustration? Who's losing? U are not losing anything until u have been "had" by such an act.
If u are concerned about any of the people involved, and feeling helpless... some times its best to stay close and wait...wait to really convince yourself about whats going on-is it wrong/ok, or until (god forbid!), the person u are worried about, is in need for your help.
We all react differently to different "setups/situations"... it may just be that the difference is too big in some cases.
Ram - Nice to see the way you have grown in these years - I know you, seen you, but would not like reveal myself - I wish your sister believed in what you have written about the Females.
As you have said, No one is perfect!!
You might want to remove this.
nice post and nice way of saying yar... great...
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