Well...
The previous post attracted quite a few heated opinions...When reading the opinions, I realised another interesting issue (which I had also discussed with one of my friends in Trilogy in one of those hour-long chats).
One of the opinions claimed that girls won't generally prefer to propose first. Going by this, I conclude that it is the boys who have to propose first. But here is where I find the hitch. There is one trait in girls, which, at least a few guys like me, find it awful /incompatible /apprehensible /....whatever you may call : the lack of the ability to maintian the status-quo of the relationship. Most of the girls tend to keep away from the guy who proposed to them. I find this absurd. He would have been a long time good friend before he proposed, and all of a sudden, he becomes an outcast. A guy, who has liked the girl so much that he decides her to be his life partner, obviously will not want to lose her relationship. If girls can be rational and maintain the pre-proposal state of affairs, then guys proposing first will not be an issue.
For those who are still wondeering what YAPOL means, it is Yet Another Post On Love.
p.s: When writing this post, I had to be extra conscious to avoid generalisations;-)
A Snapshot of me: Getting Things Done
3 years ago
13 comments:
Though I am absolutely against a girl tending to keep away from the proposed guy(Only in case if he had been a very gud friend), I think this might b the reason.
Girls don't have the habit of forgetting things so easily. SO each time, she sees the guy, she will get reminded of the proposal - either she might get angry for his proposal or may feel bad as she rejected the proposal. And even if the guy speaks normally, she might feel that he might propose to her again, and that she might become the reason for making the thought occur in his mind again.
Or the other reason might b she fears of losing control over her mind and may accept the proposal, which doesn't want to happen.Well, girls r complex creatures. So guys, plz don't think that u can understand them completely without having a girl as a very good friend.
Hi,
Being a long time good friend, if u have proposed, then after that would u see the girl still as ur friend??!! Once u have proposed never try to revert back, u can never see her again as ur old friend...Then how do u expect the girls to maintain the pre-proposal state of affairs???
Then both should act as being normal and nothing has happened between them!! surely, everyone would try to persuade their love again and not just continue their friendship after the first proposal!!
The last one sentence in my comment "So guyz, plz....." was a general idea & don't read it along with the rest of my comment.
Reply to the anonymous comment:
This is how I percieve things (may not be the case with everyone)
Proposal is meant to enter into a relationship with mutual consent. I don't believe in continuous persuasion or advertising myself as the best ever match. The consent, if there is one destined to be, shud have implicitly formed before I propose. In case the other person doesn't feel the way I feel, then after a few dialogues, if the impasse state continues, then I would make up my mind to re-visualize my relationship. I would change it to the good old friend status coz I don't want to miss a good relationship.I have the power in my mind to revert back.
Note that I know of atleast one strong case where this girl said she didn't feel the same way as the guy did and till date, both remain really good friends.I wanted this trait to be present in a larger section of the girls rather than that one particular girl!
This I would have to disagree. A guy and a gal are friends ( best friends for that matter ). Imagine the girl for some vague reason which is highly unfathomable(according to some people) proposes first. And assume the guy being the decent gentleman he is ( for he likes some one else...or just that he wanted to be just friends ) says that to the girl. So its a huge bulb for the girl. Imagine their relationship after that. Even if the guy ( being the gentleman he usually is ) tries to maintain the status quo, each time the girl is with the guy after that she would feel the pang and its the BULB that she would be reminded off. So, I assume it must the same case the other way around. So its reasonable that she behaves that way. Again, its not that every 100% of the NORMAL girls would do that....
Cheers....
I think u have mistaken the context. If the guy & girl r good friends, the girl will know that the guy is already in love with someone else and won't propose(its true the other way round too).
Here, the context is if the guy/girl is not already in love with someone else.
The reason that I mentioned that the guy was in love with someone else was to give an hypothetical reason for him to reject the girls proposal. You can replace that with any other reason. But in effect, he refused what ever be the reason....
Cheers
The problem lies in the basic understanding of love. I'll use capital "L" hereafter for referring to the following definition of love:
Love - "acceptance of an individual as he/she is, with due respect to his/her independence and individuality, and being ready for any amount of pain to alleviate his/her pains".
Misconceptions:
1. "My existence depends solely on you. I can't live without you.". This is not Love - it's name is a biological term - 'parasitism'. (Thanks to TRLT)
2. Physical attraction. "He/She is made for me. Just the right shape yaar..." - No comments on these kind of 'fatal attractions'.
Now let us get into the problem:
A<--Love-->B => Good close friends.
A proposes. --(A)
B rejects. --(B)
In Love, (A) means, "Looks like we are getting along well. Shall we remain together for the rest of the life?".
In Love, (B) is an ill-formed statement. So let us refine (B) as:
B doesn't-accepts --(C)
In Love, (C) means, "I am not comfortable with the idea. Let us remain as we are today".
A has conveyed his idea and it is upto B to update A with any change in her feelings. So logically, when there is true* Love between A and B, the relationship is totally unaltered by the proposal process. (eg: YNRAI)
(* - just more emphasis on the defn.)
The moment A tries to persuade, Love loses its meaning. The moment B tries to avoid A, again Love loses its meaning. It just proves that, the relationship was not Love at all in the first place.
So, whoever is ready to propose shud ask themselves, if their feeling is Love and Love only. Once you are convinced, then you have nothing to worry, because the result doesn't make any difference. If you are not accepted and also denied the previous degree of relationship, then that person is simply not worth your Love. Nothing wrong in waiting for the NEXT one.
TRLT - The Road Less Travelled.
YNRAI - Yei Nee Romba Azhaga Irukkae.
Love - defined above
Love' - come together and possess (NOT in the hard sense of possessing) each other.
Love" - jamaai maamu!
Prescribed Route:
Love -> Love' -> Love"
{N} {1,2} {1,2}
This is kinda Indian culture.
Love" -> (Love' <-> Love)
{N} {n} {N}
Other cultures.
Punch dialogue:
Kedaikkirathu kedaikkaama pogaathu.
Kedaikkaathathu kedaikkaathu.
I am visiting this blog for the first time.. though i know this comment is a lil too late for the blog, i jus wish i cud give some input too.
i completely agree with the view that in an Indian context (rather Tamilian one) it is indeed natural for the gal to move away from the guy after denying (or in politically correct terms -- not accepting) his proposal. I think it is logical in that context too.
i am jus sharing something i have witnessed. psychologists have proved that guys tend to take even a slight gesture by a gal to their advantage. the male nature tends to take it this way. whilst the female also tries to do that the fairer sex is a lil more sceptical to these. coming to this context, once the guy proposes to a gal, the feeling of friendship vanishes n there is a deeper sense of attraction. so even if the gal refuses his proposal, the very talks tend to reinforce that the "NO" is not 100% in the mind of a guy. the guy's hopes r raised n finally crashed when probably the gal lets him know of her marriage with some third person!! n ofcourse, it becomes uncomfortable for the gal too.
infact i have seen guys taking wrong signals to their advantage in this case. this happens rarely with them as they rarely propose(as mentioned in the other blog)
this is the anonymous of the previous comment -- jus to tell that am a gal of 22 with nothing against guys
Well, may be you are right when you say that girls keep away from the proposer. Honestly speaking, I don't know how a "noraml" guy wud behave in such a situation as well. All that I know is how I shall behave and that is what I have put down in the post as well- to maintain 'status quo'. A person "proposing" is just a thought that came to his/her mind and it is like any other idea one comes up with. Either it gets accepted or not. But that shall in no way decrease the affection one felt for the other and that is my conception. Keeping away from the proposer is indeed needed in certain cases where the proposer is not able to comprehend your feelings and the way you perceive things and hence might end up fooling oneself (as you had suggested). In ALL other cases where the proposer is sane, I feel ludicrous about keeping away from the proposer!
i completely disagree when u say that proposal is an idea that comes to one's mind jus like any other idea. come on, its not like any other idea, say an idea to watch a movie. i assume that u would have fended the idea in ur mind for quite long b4 actually putting it across; n the time would be good enough to change it from an idea to a deeper feeling which probably i dont have words to explain. n it is definitely difficult to return back to 'status quo'. probably u will understand once u go thro it.
this is a gud quote from a friend of mine. whenever a guy and a gal meet, there is some amount of attraction. if over a period of time, the attraction subsides it n they r still attached, it grows into a beautiful friendship. if the attraction grows stronger in both of them, it turns into love. but when it subsides in one case and increases in other; the best is to break the relation as there is no status quo.
jus answer this question: do u think it would be possible for u to look at a gal with the same old feelings of friendship once it has matured into something more special in ur mind?! if ur answer is yes, u r , i shud say, a special creation of God :)
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