Ahhh.....
Yet another Valentine's day...I became aware of this only yesterday as I saw cars flying past with a lot of little hearts decorating them. So, what shall I do for this v-day? This question shouldn't be occurring to me as I have never done anything for any of the gone by v-days (so is the case for many other functions/occasions as well...I just do nothing!). Well, this question comes into picture as I was just now talking with my colleague and he wanted something 'dramatic' to happen. He suggested going around with, say 15 roses and trying his luck! I wished him the best of luck (as that is all I can do...I am in no mood to get slippered with a critical deadline round the corner;-)).
As he left, I was just wondering what could be 'dramatic'. Suddenly it dawned on me: Why not girls propose first instead of the guys doing it first. I guess both parties do take the initiative, but most cases I know of are the ones where the guy takes the initiative to propose. I can't help but quote Anto here..."It is we who who should dream about them always...It is we who should go doting after them...It is we who should spend during all the dinners...It is we who should propose first...It is we who should get all the 'bulbs' ('bulbs' is a slang used to denote turned down proposals). Anto is just one step short of beginning a 'Men's upraisal movement'!!!!!
I guess I have done my part for this v-day....a post as usual...And one more thing, this will be the last v-day that I'll be idle. The story will be different next year (hopefully :-))...
So.................................
HURRY UP ;)
Renewal: The Statue of Unity
6 years ago
19 comments:
Girls don't take the initiative bcoz generally ppl have the idea that such girls r "bad". Now if a guy has that kind of mindset, and a girl proposes to him, what if he thinks she is bad. It is very painful to hear that one is bad from the person u love so deeply.
So, if boys propose then what do ppl think. Will they think that they are good. There is no difference between boys and girls. What if a boys goes and proposes and the girl feels bad about him. wont it be paniful..
I think, to take an initative to propose you need to be bold and should not have the fear of failure.. I dont say every male has this quality but i feel that they have it better that girls..any comments?
S. Equality & all that stuff is ok. No girl gets some 15 roses & goes a round to find that who will accept a proposal. Girls r very choosy and won't say "yes" very easily to anybody.
But in case of guys, they r ready to take a "yes" from any girl. So they WON'T FEEL BAD
Response to cmt #1: Boys don't think that girls who propose are cheap. Does this mean that girls do think of guys who propose as cheap....that is plain bad at the least.
Response to cmt #3:Moving around with 15 roses was supposed to be a joke and NOT a reality. Guys are not as fallible as you think: they don't say a yes to every proposal.Every guy HAS a choice.
If the general perception of girls is on these lines, I am sorry to say that it was rather shocking and * at the least!
I am sorry to say this is the general perception of girls. If I am among a group of girls, and I heard one of the girls proposed first to a guy, my immediate reaction, "Why did u do that? Have u gone mad?"
And once a girl likes a guy, and the guy, incase rejects her, bcoz of her prudence of taking the initiative - its rather painful. Girls can't bear losing their first love(I know u r yelling out that even guys don't). A guy will speak out to his friends & express his failure by growing beard, drinking or whatsoever.But boys r not very emotional and sentimental as girls. If a girl falls in love, she won't tell it out even to her friends so easily. She will suppress all her feelings in her heart. She won't take initiative and will live with the happiness that the guy atleast dint say "No" to her, than taking the risk of taking initiative and getting a "No"
I am sorry to say that what is happening here is rampant stereotypism. If it is the society's perception that girls will be considered imprudent if they propose and that girls are considered more emotional than guys, then damned be the society. I think it is high time people come out of their societal coffin.
Ok...Am i missing out something here ?? So, girls dont propose because they THINK that the after effect of a rejection is painful !!! But, what about guys then. Do u think that guys propose just for fun.
Let me make things clear. As far my perception of this whole wide world goes, A normal male/female would propose to a person that they like. Again, let me stress on the word normal. If a guy likes a girl and feels that she is the one he would propose. And i feel that should be the case with girls too. What crap is this of keeping ones emotions and feelings to one self. Then when would a girl go and propose to a guy whom she likes ??? When he is old enough and father of two kids ?? Wouldnt that mean something else.
I really cant fathom this absurdity.
All I can assume is that the concerened person who posted the comment is too much influenced by indian cinema and has his/her own fantastic outlook on the world.
IMHO, please for heavens sake come out of the shroud that seems to cover your life and look at the reality.
And one more thing, what the hell is this issue of a guy feeling happy to take an "yes" from any girl? The comment makes one think as if all the girls think that they are "Boologa Sundari". I mean, who says guys dont have taste or choice. Like as if a guy would agree to any Susan, Mary or Jane who happens to come up to him and propose.
First it takes guts and lot of courage to go up to a person, whether it be male/female, and express your affection for them. And people could not do that and criticise others who happen have the boldness to go do it can better shut up and watch the show and later regret for having missed the oppotunity.....
A passing thought.........no offense indeed and no defense expected....Cheers
I do agree that I am a bit influenced by Indian Cinema(Who else is not? Cinema is not always that is out of this world. It also represents a part of everyday life at times, just like any thing else like books) and I haev my own fantastic outlook of this world(as does everyone). I wonder whatz so wrong with me having these.
And again, u just can't say that my arguments r absurd. I THINK that any other normal girl will have the same perceptions like me(though I don't say 100% of the normal girls have the same perception).
And its not most of the girls consider themselves "Boologa Sundari" - they r all aware of their own plus points and minus points. Guys do have a choice of taste. But again, ONLY when it comes to marriage or some permanent arrangement. (I think here, I will stop with this).
If the person who commented isn't satisfied with my points, he can always come down from US & ask any normal Indian girl abt her views, bcoz he is influenced by a lot of English Cinema(This is not a mistake though)
hmm dare i comment on a purely human issue?
Here goes nothing..
Whats this talk about keeping your emotions to urself?
When u want a saree or a churidar especially a red one.. Wont u ask for it?
Love is so simple to u.. u wont even go out to say that u love some one? For god's sakes is it worse than a 'thing'?
Guys are not mind readers. I have checked. So it wont hurt to make the first move. I mean, if u are really picky and very thorough in ur choice.. then why wont it work out?
Love is not like buying a saree or a chudidhar
I wud also like to point to the "Three fundas in lover search" blog here. When u r all telling me abt the second funda, I want u to have a look at the third funda, which is the general liking of guys.
I guess Fathima is taking whatever is said /written verbatim without considering the gravity of what is said and also,unfortunately, coming up with superficial generalisations too quickly.
The other post in discussion was just an anecdote and you should consider the context in which it was said...all people were inextricably pondering ovre the subject of love and marriage, when madhavan, in an effort to boost the pondering people, came up with this.
FYI, guys are GROSSLY different from what you have perceived thus far. This perception might partly be because of the extent to which movies might have affected you. There are some guys portraying the filmy characters in the real world also, but NOT ALL GUYS are as you think. If you still passionately hold to your hypothesis, you will be in for some pleasant shock on seeing the other group, the non-filmy sect of boys!
Chill...all that said, I speak in capacity of a person who was in India for 20 full years and have known NORMAL indian woman. My understanding from what they have told me and what I have realised out of my own perception are these
1. Women think that they cant take the pain of a failed proposal. But when it comes to the time when they have to decide on a proposal offered to them, then they act God.
2. And I totally resent the argument that the "taste" of a guy kicks in only when he needs to make decisions on important things. I have been witness to many a situations where guys take utmost care ( even more than women that I know of ) and get all choosy. And proposal and after...is one among them
This is again my own perception and like the one who commented mentioned, this MAY NOT be the way 100% of the guys would react. I mean, just like not all women being 100% perfect, the same argument holds good for men too. And we are talking about the elite crowd of those men and women whose taste is good and they choose things carefully ( be it the person they love or proposals for that matter )
All I wanted to say is this, when the time comes to propose, Girls arent that bold as their counterparts are. They feel that the person they like should do the proposal. So, what are we(men) " Mind Readers ???"
And I have heard girls say "I gave hints to the guy...But he is not able to realise". Come on...what is this " Is Love a game ?? I dont think so....What would happen if the guy never realises you hints...So would you go un married....or atleast by then would you people propose ??". So If the concerned person could answer this, I would stop SPAMMING this blog....until then...Rams ... Please ..Poruthuko !!!
A passing thought....Cheers
Agreed that love is not a game. But I am trying just to emphasize the fact that girls won't make the first move, most of the times.
Thats what I am trying to reason out. WHY ??????? Dont give me the "Its how it is" or "Its a girl thing" crap. Tell me something that is true, if at all you wanna enlighten us on that. May be that will change the guys outlook on the world........Expecting a good and reasonable reply
U ppl r trying to say that our minds are matured, we have modern ideas. Y r girls still going on & on with the same old principles? But there r certain things that haven't changed yet - like guys being attracted towards beautiful girls, girls being attracted towards macho guys. The same way, girls' reluctance of making the proposal has also not changed. In a way, giving hint to the guy is a kind of first move.
We usually don't like to change some ways we are already comfortable with. But again, thinking of the genuine reason u were asking for: Girls are comfortable with letting the guys propose first. This gives them a upper hand, atleast at times. They feel great and like to get pampered. And many girls have an inferiority complex that they r not so thin and beautiful(which is the current liking). So when a guy proposes, they may feel confident abt themselves.
But again, its a girl thing(sorry VK if u dint want this).
Ok fine...Now that all the guys know what the real reason is, I would put this matter to rest. Hope I havent offended anyone. Again, just wanted to make things clear and for that I have to take the guys side to argue.
All that said, I thank all for patiently replying to me.
Well, long discussion really. True though. Girls seldom take the initiative in proposing. There are many reasons for it though. And stereotyping girls or guys just based on a few facts isn't correct. And i'm not sure I agree with fathima wholly about her points either. For one, I have seen girls taking the first move, though I admit that such instances are few and far in between, but they do happen nonetheless. Secondly, it is the environ around us and the the way guys and girls are brought up that brings out this difference in voicing their affections. Girls do admit their affections to each other (girls that is) if not to the guy himself though it'd seem like the wrong thing to do to almost all the guys out here (if u don't know it, what's the use kinda). And finally, the basis of marketing. Fear of loss. Girls propose and for the matter guys do too, only when they're scared that their relationship can only go downhill if an initiative isn't taken. Girls in this aspect are slightly more luckier because they have the advantage of being slightly more in demand owing to the inequal gender ratios and the high hormonal surges and imbalances a guy goes through at a particular age. To be frank, girls don't really have to try coz it's the guys doing all the trying. And frankly speaking, If one guy decides not to pamper a girl, rest assured someone else will. No issues. So dudes, don't think a lot about what's happened so far and what should happen and why it should or shouldn't happen. Just follow your heart and do what you feel is right. Whether you are a guy or a girl. Coz in the end, it's you who has to make a decision. To take the plunge or not to. Coz the future, no one has seen. And a bit of concern shouldn't hurt if it doesn't eat into your conscience. What say?
Guessing the gender based on generalization: shud b a guy
1. The word "dudes" is used mostly by guys
2. Usage of "Kinda"
3. Usage of "What say?"
4. Usage of "when they're scared ", "they have the advantage" while telling abt girls
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